Things Your Mother Should Have Taught You: Mobile Phone Edition

It’s been a long time since I’ve published a good old fashioned rant, but have no fear friends, the wait is over. In fact, this may just become part of a regular feature, hence the title.1

The action which has incurred my wrath this time is public use of the mobile phone. The emphasis of that last sentence should be on the word “public.”
2 Don’t get me wrong, I know that sometimes it is necessary to call someone or to receive a call while in public. HOWEVER, there is no reason to be carrying on a conversation with someone while you are walking through, I don’t know, let’s say a store.

Here’s a hint: no one wants to hear your conversation. It’s rude. You are making it more difficult for everyone around you to do whatever they are doing by shouting in to your phone. Also, you are obviously not giving your full attention to the person you are speaking with. Again, rude.

But the crowning pinnacle of assholicism
3, is the person who is carrying on a business conversation while traipsing about buying underwear or whatever. Because this twat-waffle is not only being rude, he’s being obnoxious.

“YEAH, WELL I RECOMMEND THAT WE DUMP THAT STOCK AND LOOK AT EXPANDING YOUR INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO TO INCLUDE...”

What he is really saying is:

“LOOK AT ME! I’M SO IMPORTANT THAT! BUSINESS BUSINESS BUSINESS! BLAH BLAH BLAH. YES, YOU AT THE OPPOSITE END OF THE STORE! AREN’T YOU IMPRESSED BY HOW IMPORTANT I AM?”

No. We’re really not. We are amazed at what a total douchenozzle you are, but that’s it.

Moreover, if you were in charge of my finances and I discovered that you were discussing them at great volume in the middle of a crowded store, I would fire your ass so fast you wouldn’t have time to text me why, you great fuck trumpet.

So, in conclusion. If you have to carry on a conversation which goes on for more than three minutes, do it in private. Leave the public area and go sit in your car.
4 Wait until you get home, or back to the office, or whatever bridge you live under. Have some respect for the people you are talking to and the people around you.5



1 Yeah, and we all know how well those “regular features” go, don’t we?

2 This is also something which I’ve addressed elsewhere, like when I pointed out that when you are purchasing something you might want to put your conversation on hold and pay attention to the financial transaction which you are engaged in.

3 Having the qualities or bearing resemblance to an asshole. See also, assholic

4 With the windows rolled up and the radio off.

5 And perhaps even the establishment you are in.